Category: Books

– “Grooooooowl!”

I sincerely cannot survive with only a few currants. I need to know more about how to survive here.

Also, these aren’t running shoes, my feet hurt with every rock, I feel like the Princess and the Pea.

And I cannot believe I need to Number Two in that small pot eventually.

Looking at the mini-map in detail, I found the distance to my “quest,” and it’s more than 100 kilometres. Days of regular walks, but also a good chance that it will prove difficult due to a lack of proper shoes, and this being well outside the walls of the village.

It means I have to extend my stay in this village.

I breathed deeply.

If they don’t like me, I can fix that with a good smile.

Opening the fence, and starting to slowly walk with a huge smile, I focused myself on the first person in front of me. I don’t have much choice; there aren’t too many people here at the moment, anyway.

Let’s get ready for anything; I don’t know if anyone knows me.

His name is [Matt], written like in games on top of his head. It also says he’s a [Farmer].

Funnily, he’s the one who started talking to me first. When he heard the opening of the fence, he saw me and quickly crossed the distance.

– “Oh, hi, glad to see you again! I thought you died in your house!” He said laughingly.

– “Heh, yeah, I fell asleep early due to my exhaustion.” I answered while slightly blushing.

– “You slept for days! Arriving here and moving in must have been hard for you! Sorry, I typically have a good memory, but somehow I have forgotten your name.”

– “Days? That much? That’s all right, Matt, isn’t it? My name is Iris.”

– “Oh, right, Iris! Sorry for not remembering. Well, you’re new to the village, so I can imagine it’s difficult for you too.”

Lucky! It seems like the tutorial is in place. And a big smile undoubtedly helps a lot!

– “Yes, indeed. But… I’m sorry, I’m only good at remembering names,” I laughed. “I’m fine, but that long bout of sleep nearly made me forget myself.”

– “Oh, that’s all right, you’re new here. Do you have questions before I leave for the fields?”

– “Sure, let’s start with the basics. Chamber pot?”

– “The manure pile and compost pile are on the other side of the village wall. Just climb there on this mound. We move them slightly once in a while, but it’s always close by. My plants are thanking you! You can wash it through the water outlet nearby.”

This question wasn’t what I was truly asking. I wanted to know if it was really the way to “go,” but I guess it is.

Although the mini-map remained unchanged, the two zones seem visible. I’ll have to remember what they are.

– “Speaking of plants, I cannot only eat currants. Where can I eat your produce?”

– “Tell what you want and I’ll bring it to you. You don’t seem to have a lot of money, do you?”

I acknowledged.

– “That’s all right, you just arrived with barely a bundle of basic clothes and your pouch here, and we provided that hut to you. We’ll just figure it out as we go!”

That presents a problem, since I don’t know what I can do to earn money. Maybe the tutorial is there to make me work in the fields? Why not ask!

– “Then I’ll be in your care. What do you need here for work or barter?”

– “Everyone needs a helping hand. Go ask Walikota in the big building; she’ll help you. She’s the one who gave you a tour and the house.”

I nodded, faking me remembering this event.

– “And, uh, can I eventually buy you a drink for being so friendly?”

Look, I know I wear rose-tinted glasses, and my perspective on life points towards happiness. But this is more than I expected.

My friends are warning me to watch out for people, and not everyone is showing their true emotions. And I don’t want to feel like a Mary Sue¹, but this is a lot. I guess the tutorial applies.

– “Thank you! I believe my wife would be happy if I drank with someone else!” Matt said laughingly. “But don’t worry; you came here with nothing, and you need time to adapt. Take your time.”

– “No, I thank you! But I insist, please, I’d be lost without you. Maybe one day a drink for you and your wife, since she’d like that?”

– “No worries! Mmm…” Matt pondered for a few seconds. “Do you feel hungry now?”

My pride started kicking in.

“Thank you but…”

But my stomach replied faster than I could end the sentence.

– “Grooooooowl!!!!”

– “Iris, you said it yourself, you cannot only eat currants. Go to our house here, and talk to my wife Natsumi for a loaf of bread, a few eggs, and some necessities for your home cooking. Tell her Matt sends you.”

– “Err… okay, I will accept your good will again! Thank you!” I replied while shying away towards his house.

❀

Arriving at Matt’s door, I knocked, uncertain of what to expect, especially since I’m here to seek charity from Matt’s wife, which already helped me so much. I stand tall and imposing, but that’s still outside my comfort zone.

The door opened, not only opening slightly, or looking through the Judas. No, I mean, it opened with vigorous intent, so much that I nearly squealed in surprise.

My second surprise is what was on the other sideof that said door. A person. A tall person. A very tall person. Like a good half-head higher than me. She wears very feminine clothes, not vulgar at all, more like a classy silk dress, leaving everything to the imagination and revealing nothing.

She has the longest, most beautiful sparkly white hair to compliment her mostly androgynous traits. For all my well-placed curviness, she’s the opposite, and she leaves me envious and lacking. That’s even considering that I wouldn’t change my style, and I love myself as I am.

And she has pointed ears on a dark, gorgeous face.

A dark elf! Where am I, fantasy land, for real?

A dark elf. A stunning, very thin, very tall dark elf, with the most drool-worthy infectious smile one could have.

Passion personified would be this.

Whoa, she’s something else! Am I in a harem Ecchi²-type series here? A dark elf that melts my heart in less than 3 seconds? Please make this a hentai story. Sir, Ma’am, I know you left me here while you’re resting, but did you choose the good story?

– “Hi! You’re the new lady who came here a few days ago! Matt told me about you, I’m Natsumi! Nice to meet you!”

She talked to me in a cheerful and lively, but sultry and deep voice. Again, how can I resist?

– “…”

After a few seconds, she blinked a few times and waved her hand in front of me.

– “Hello? Can you understand me? Are you alright? … I thought you spoke the same language as ours, no?”

My balloon popped. I stopped trying to figure out what she looked like naked. I wiped the drool from my mouth, nearly succeeded in bringing my jaw up from the floor, and tried to talk correctly.

Now I understand Jamie, who’s always red in front of us!

– “Y… yes… y… I a… I am… You… You’re… Iris! Mynameisirisnicetomeetyou!”

I bowed instinctively, from fear, from shame, and to hide my beet-red face.

Stop, mouth, stop drooling! Please!

While a heat wave went through my body and I started sweating profusely.

– “Are you alright, Iris?”

She pondered so innocently with a side slanted head. In the books I read, I would’ve already lost half my blood from my nose.

Okay, now I must improve my first impression. Let’s not look at her at all. The floor serves as my best ally. Why does she walk barefoot? I don’t like feet and still I’m drooling. Maybe I’m under a spell? There are elves here; do magic powers exist?

Now, body, you can do it. Let’s speak slowly but fluently.

I breathed twice.

– “Sorry, I’m new here, and I’m still trying to cope with changes and start my life here. Matt told me to come here to beg, I mean, to see you naked… no. Ugh! I’m starving, I’m so sorry! Okay, I’m leaving, way to go first impression, see you never!”

I started running away, but before I could fully turn, her arm stopped me, and she turned my body around like a marionette. She then gently took my face and made me look upwards at her beautiful eyes. Her eyes are stunning gentle pastel blue and grey with a deep black limbal ring. I cannot look away.

– “Shhh, I understand, don’t worry! Please come in, I would love to fulfill all your desires, my dear Iris.”

She led me inside gently by the hand, and closed the door.

I ded.

The end.

I should’ve been more cautious of strangers.

For the follow-up story, buy “I was abducted by a beautiful dark elf.”

1. Mary Sue: A type of fictional character who is portrayed as free of flaws and unrealistically capable, typically loved by all characters of the story. ↩︎
2. Ecchi, Hentai: Sexually oriented comic books, typically Japanese. ↩︎

Two days later (not that I could have known), the sun woke me up, leaving me parched and tired from oversleeping.

So this isn’t a dream…

The first thing I noticed was my attire. It appears as if someone made my clothes out of some mix of burlap and cotton, with a few leather straps. No underwear, though. I still have my shoes on, which consist of a thick leather base and a thin leather top.

I then looked up the contents of what I would consider a small hut:

• One bed, relatively comfortable;
• One wooden table;
• A small waist pouch containing some strange coins;
• A large pitcher with water in it;
• A few utensils, a plate and a glass, all in metal;
• Two bowls, one small and high located on the floor, and one large on a tablet;
• A wardrobe with a few pieces of rudimentary clothing and a rag.

Nothing of interest in this small place. Only the necessary elements. I took a glass of water; it’s obviously room temperature, but it still helps and it tastes good.

I wonder what this language calls me.

– “Eerisseo 日이쓰.”

Welp, at least, it’s close enough I won’t have to worry about forgetting my name. It’s roughly Iris with a strange accent. And it strangely means a sunny day.

Okay, now, where’s the washroom? I need a good shower and I urgently have to pee.

Looking yet again at the walls of the hut, I realized that it contained only a front entrance door.

– “Um… Person who helped me? Are you there? There seems to be missing something in the hut.”

– “…”

This is where it dawned on me that the bowl on the floor probably serves as a chamber pot. I think the pot on the shelf is meant for cleaning oneself.

Why aren’t they showing this side of the world in fantasy romances? No underwear and a chamber pot?

People who are Isekaied¹ would never even think of doing it naturally in that! Okay. Iris, or Eerisseo, you can do it! It’s so small!

After relieving myself with a slight mess, I undressed myself (at least, my body still looks identical) and proceeded to wash myself with the rag and some water. I also spent time cleaning up my mess.

Not too bad. I’m just annoyed that I have to put back my same clothes. And no underwear, ugh, seriously? Time to go see what’s out there.

Once I figured out how to wear the clothes and tie the waist pouch, I went outside for the first time.

❀

The small hut seems to be in a small village, not too far from other huts, but not too close either. No door lock. The hut is at the edge of a tiny, haphazardly fenced, slightly rocky terrain with a few fruit-bearing plants, and a small fire circle. Outside the fence lies a common water well.

[Activating First Time Link]

[Please wait!]

Whoa! Am I really in such a world? Like the stories I read? Fantasy romance with a direct link to the gods? Or with a system? Count me in!

[Determining level…]

Level?

[Entry not found! Setting level for major notifications only. Have a good life!] written in a neon red window.

What? Waitwaitwait! I was supposed to have access to… satellites, but now, I don’t? I don’t want to sound pedantic, but I was promised something like this, no?

– “Hey! Why am I not eligible?”

The window started glitching out, and the text reorganized itself.

[Data discrepancy found. Updating data.]

Seriously? This looks like a piece of crappy software written by my company. Oh, I’m so sure my kiddos would have a field trip with this.

[Entry found: Iris. Diamond Plus User. Credits: Unlimited. Knowledge: Beginner. Welcome to the Constellation!]

So I didn’t have access, but now, I do? Great! I’m truly happy this got sorted out. But it doesn’t look like a fantasy romance system; it mostly sounds like a bad computer.

[Unidirectional system activated. Please go to the location written on a mini-map to activate the bidirectional system]

A small window showed up at the bottom right of my vision. I noticed that even when not looking at it, it’s eerily always in focus.

The bare minimum is shown on the mini-map. This includes a few green moving dots, what looks like a representation of the village, and some slight information like [Iris’s House].

Very strangely, all the text is abnormally small, but everything remains perfectly legible.

This is awesome; it looks like I have superhuman vision. That system is impressively cool. The same thing for the pop-ups, I see them, but they are completely in my peripheral vision. It’s like I have HUD. I guess that the designers play video games.

[Activating tutorial]

I froze.

Whenever a tutorial happens in these stories, you find yourself forcibly transported to a violent situation. Typically, it starts with stereotypical green goblins, followed by a world of pain for hundreds of chapters².

Was this the place the previous voice envisioned? A way to improve myself by going to a year-long hell named a tutorial? Maybe I will need to kill my best friends, maybe I will have trauma?

I don’t play video games often, and I’m no longer an athlete, so I’ll fail to survive. I’ll probably be killed as the experience fodder for other stronger users.

– “N… No!” I exclaimed, panic in my voice. “Not a tutorial! No, I want the tower’s easiest level! No please! No, I want fantasy romance, not NPCs killing me gruesomely!”

Slowly, while I spoke, some lines started appearing with textual information on each item visible in the world. Of note, the small fruit seems to be [Currant, edible].

This seems like the tutorial the system provides. Not some horrible hack and slash, but merely informational pieces of text.

– “Oh, sorry, forget it!”, I muttered to myself with some nervous laughter while popping a currant in my mouth.

This Constellation system counts as a true masterpiece. It superimposes its information directly on my vision as long as nothing obstructs a clear path between my head and the sky. Meaning it doesn’t work in my house, but it can work if I leave the door open. It also doesn’t seem to be able to interact other than showing me information.

Thank you, designers, for having that limitation. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with all those pop-ups, mini-map, and tutorial windows appearing randomly while I’m relaxing in my home.

Another interesting feature of the Constellation is that it maintains a tally of displayed tutorial information. When the information first appears, it’s shown clearly. However, everything can have its description affixed. Thus, the system decides to prioritize the visible elements and will only show 3 elements.

Yes, I know this is a currant, and yes, I know, it’s edible!

However, after about a dozen times, it starts fading. The first few information boxes faded: the fence, the house, the well. Then, I eventually got a mention

[Point items to reactivate definitions]

As I found out while I looked ditzy, it’s not just a matter of pointing slightly. You must point very intently at something and stare at it to reactivate the definition for this item.

1. Isekai: A kind of story where the protagonists are transferred to a parallel universe, usually fantastic. ↩︎
2. Read 튜토리얼이너무어렵다  (The Tutorial Is Too Tough) for a good example. ↩︎

– “This was not supposed to happen.”

The universe stopped dead in its tracks, with a few visual glitches appearing here and there at random, artifacts of the [Pause] applied to it.

The author bowed their head in thought, murmuring to themself.

– “Iris was not supposed to end up this way. Iris is supposed to be a battle horse, someone who will be quite strong. While she may not be a hero, she should be able to keep her head high for the years to come alongside her friends.”

– “The problem came from that ankle injury, which led to her downward spiral into the world of ease.”

Once they became aware of the shift in plans, it was too late. It would have required an enormous amount of energy to reverse the planet’s timeline to a point before that event.

An author cannot merely do what it wants. Rewriting the text of multiple published chapters is possible, but highly inconvenient. For a typo here and there, no big deal. But not for a complete rewrite of the main character’s story.

– “The story of that stupid mouse is already played out; we can’t just remove it as an extra. Moving the thug away would prove difficult, and this world would go upside down if we changed too many things. He’s supposed to go to prison and receive a harsh sentence.”

– “The easiest bet is to return a few minutes before, and merely give her a second chance, with the knowledge of what’s to come. After all, she’s still supposed to exhibit high resilience.”

Using that old computer control board built from its mind’s power, much akin to those early computers with weird interfaces and a typewriter-looking teleprinter, the author pressed a few buttons. These visual representations portray the author’s special powers. Authors do love a few anachronisms; it’s part of their flare.

[Rewind] [Pause] [Previous Frame] [Previous Frame] [Previous Frame]…

– “OK, the first step is done. Just before she gets fatally stabbed.”

[Keep Memory]

– “Iris will keep her memory like that. Not too traumatic, just enough to be able to foretell.”

[Rewind]

– “Now!”

[Pause]

– “This moment seems adequate.”

[Play]

❀

We slowly took our bags, and at that moment, I shouted in surprise, stopped dead in my tracks. I started shaking and returned to my chair. I took Marianne’s glass of water, which she had barely touched, and chugged it down in one go.

– “’Is? ’Is? What’s wrong, sweetie?” Lou inquired worriedly.

– “I… I… gonna die. I…”

After taking time to calm myself and explain my strange daydream, I sat silently for several minutes while my friends tried to comfort me. In a hushed voice, Marianne said:

– “Listen, you can’t stay here for a strange dream. We all possess bravery. We will face our fears, and we will do what we always do: kill it with love!”, with everyone saying the mantra together.

– “I know. It felt so real, though. That hurt so much! That blade. The feeling.” I shivered.

– Lou: “Besides, we all know the future now, so we can change it! Why didn’t you come back with lottery numbers?”

Now, I had a good opportunity to try our mantra. With renewed courage, our team went outside to the next bar. Same path. Killing this fear with love.

Walking slowly with renewed vigilance, our four friends looked at the empty street with apprehension.

– Lou: “This is it, ’Is?”

– “Y… yeah.”

– “And you’re sure that you can’t recall who did it?”

– “No. Sorry. I never had the chance to see him.”

– “Then…”

A male voice suddenly appeared in our world. 

– “Don’t move if you don’t want to die.”

The main street bustled with people, but the group stopped in a place where no one was looking, in front of an empty street. Perfect moment to react. The thug wanted to attack Iris, but she was in front of the group, so the next best thing is to attack Marianne.

– “Slowly walk in that street.”

Everyone began to walk. I moved slowly, trembling violently and crying, while the others whimpered.

I slowed down and down until I came to a stop.

– “Move! Go!”

The thug pushed Marianne, the blade moving away from Marianne’s body, which instinctively reacted by kicking him hard. For once, everything worked well for us, and he fell backwards. Marianne shouted.

– “Quick! It’s our chance!”

The group started running away quickly while screaming for help. The entire group… except me, still traumatized by my previous dream.

– “I… I… help!”

The thug, seeing people reacting on the main road, the group moving in to protect me, and the situation becoming harder to handle, did the only thing available to him: he took all his energy, and grabbed me before my friends could do it.

– “If you stop me, I’ll kill her!”

– “No!” screamed Lou while running towards her friend.

The blade painfully went inside Iris, yet again.

[Pause]

❀

– “Why… Why is she so tame! We need to strengthen her and improve her mindset. Let’s see…”

MP: 60%

– “Oh, that’s very problematic. As expected. We could give her another chance, but it will likely fail again.”

They pondered.

– “So we have another possibility. Let’s start by mending her body.”

[Previous frame] [Previous frame] [Previous frame] [Previous frame] [Previous frame] [Previous frame]…

– “Just before she gets stabbed. At least, her body will hold up during the migration.”

[Store character]

MP: 30%

[Time shift]

– “Now let’s see: where can we put her? We’re guessing we need to move her to a strong extra. This one looks great.”

[Adapt body]

MP warning: 5% left.

[Restore character]

Not enough MP!

Author uses [Temporary Modification Point boost]

[Restore character]

[Adapt language]

MP warning: 10% left.

– “Here we go. It should work.”

– “Now we can only give her one more thing, but she should be in good hands to become stronger.”

[Play]

❀

I screamed again, and fell on my fours. I am not with my friends anymore. In fact, I’m all alone. I am not in some hospital, or in a place I know, I’m in some wooden hut with a blazing sun coming through the window.

After a few seconds of observing where I am, I slowly rose and walked to a rudimentary chair.

– “安…安哈瘦? 擧기 아무도 없나か?”

No one answered my call. Not only that, but I startled myself by fluently talking another language. But I wanted to ask if anyone’s here.

A nondescript voice suddenly resonated in my mind, still in that language.

– “Good afternoon, Iris. We’re sorry for what happened. You should’ve been able to overcome this hurdle easily. So we moved you to another era, where you’ll be able to remove your fears and improve yourself. This is not a simulation, it’s your new reality; if you die, it’s truly over, as we cannot help you for quite some time, at the very least a few months. This place is relatively safe, so don’t worry about yourself too much. Still, we’ll help you again: we can create a link to this era’s satellites; it will help you live here. Good luck!”

– “This era’s satellites? What? What is this?”

[Modify Object: Satellite Constellation]

Like all the author’s actions, these happened only on their mind’s interface. Iris stayed scared and without any answer.

The author, knowing they will leave Iris alone for some time, gave her a hidden safeguard.

[Granting Single-Use Power: Mulligan]

Not enough MP!

[Force Action]

MP error: Negative value. Shutting down service.

With this last-ditch effort, the author fell asleep. They overexerted themself by a large margin, much more than the past thousand, if not millions of main characters combined.

At the same time, taxed differently by all those extraordinary adventures, and feeling the presence disappear, I stumbled on a nearby bed and fell asleep too.

Happiness is contagious. That smile, that joy will bring joyfulness to others and likely improve a passerby’s mood. A person smiling, dancing, singing and hips swaying, it’ll bring the best in others. Or the worst. Possessive people will want to grab happiness, make it theirs, and remove it from the world.

That beautiful smile attracted a local thief, who followed me not far after I left my workplace. Easy prey for any regular thug. Alas, my itinerary remained in public places, leaving him no opportunity to act. Luckily, going to a bar allowed him to stay nearby and figure out his prey.

After seeing the group, he figured out that he could pull off a hat trick and get four for the cost of one. Drunken happy people make the perfect targets for thieves. Now, he only needs a chance.

It happened soon thereafter with that short street, whose businesses are all closed down for the evening.

Lucky!

Planning is straightforward. Attack the allegedly slowest ones, ask them to throw their purses, make them go away, and run with the loot.

– “Good! Now, you don’t move. Everyone else, throw your purses and your phones in front of you.”

Everything is peachy, the thug internalizes. The danger comes from the Asian one, of course, she knows martial arts. And the badass butch might have a machete for all I know. The chick stands closest to me. No stress so far.

Lou, who is far from a combat person, and lacks knowledge of martial arts, would’ve wet her pants if she didn’t go to the restroom before leaving the first bar.

Same for Jamie, our softie.

Marianne, though, against all odds, needs to be able to defend herself, her job bringing her in many empty lots, early and late gigs.

However, the first rule of self-defence is collaborating in case of potential injury. Second is leaving as quickly as possible. Having your best friend with a relatively blunt knife stuck in her back counts as a breach of the first rule.

– “Good! Hurry up, throw your stuff there.” Seeing everyone react accordingly makes everything easier.

– “Now you,” pressing on Iris back a little bit more, “drop the phone and purse like everyone else.”

While I slowly execute myself, a small mouse crosses the street near our friends. Jamie screams to the top of her lungs. Our softie fears all the loose animals. In cages, and they are fine. But not here, not now, and not with this stressful situation.

The chain reaction starts. I get violently stabbed. The thug panics, having assaulted someone with a weapon for the first time. Marianne throws a self-defence kick to the foe that fails to fully incapacitate him due to adrenaline while making him see some stars. I scream and turn, only to find myself once again close to the thug, who stabs me deeply near the solar plexus.

The thug leaves running while I fall to my death.

❀

Earth is a fascinating place.

The planet boasts a complex ecosystem, yet a novel author somehow crafted it. In a planetary novel, you sketch rough ideas and a timeline of eras that will happen. Then, you gather ideas for the main events in a region and introduce your first main character. You make it interact in a sea of extras, which are programmed to nudge your main character towards this novel’s end goal while you adjust your story to the real actions of that character.

Earth has only one main character truly alive at any moment: the main character of its destiny. This is why, when it’s your turn, you feel truly alive, and the other side characters may just be extras, or they might have once been the main character.

You might give birth to someone who has already become the main character, as they matter more on a planetary scale.

This is not limited to humans, time or scale. The main character can take the form of a tiger or an amoeba. It can be a newborn that will quickly die, a main villain, an emperor, an ant, a psychotic individual, a villainess, or a random Joe.

Destiny, guidance by greater powers, constant surveillance, and other factors all apply. As a designer who crafted a block game with holes for toddlers to use, you hope that the story’s main characters will follow your predictions and fit the blocks into their rightful places so that the eras can exist and unfold. And as long as the millionth extra in a country follows the basic ideas of its destiny when it’s their turn to become the main character, you can sit back and let them do it.

Life follows its course, whether good, bad, or horrible. One’s life might consist of relaxation, one might be full of riches, and another might endure endless pain and suffering. The basic setting exists for this particular main character to live according to the story. For every hero that saves a thousand tortured prisoners requires a thousand tortured prisoners to eventually become the main characters.

Every main character shoulders the responsibility for its destiny, though. If the story contains plot holes, or if the millionth main character of that country exceeds expectations, they might be able to escape captivity with the other prisoners, or change the story drastically. Maybe a stronger guard can kill the hero. Maybe this kill is scheduled, but a slight chance exists that it’s not. Maybe the life of poverty wasn’t planned, and if their life diverges from what is scheduled, the author will have to modify the story.

The author can add extras to save an event. Or it might be worth removing a character, causing a main character to die a ridiculous death, and the other character to suffer through the aftermath of cleaning up.

In other stories, it might be better to nudge the world so the poor character avoids bankruptcy a few times, making the character seem lucky enough never to go bankrupt, no matter how poor. Yet again, it might be better to kill the overzealous guard in a freak gardening accident than have it kill the previously played out hero.

Finally, one unique possibility for the author is to make a main character migrate from one era to another. This comes in handy when the author didn’t write the character well at inception. That person will temporarily become another extra elsewhere to develop its characteristics. We could describe these events as alien abductions, but truly, they represent an author’s attempt to rectify a main character definition by sending it to another suitable era and back.

Then, when the author doesn’t know what to do anymore, this temporary cop-out can also be used:

[Pause]

---

This is the last available chapter without logging in. In order to continue reading the following chapters, you must bind your Patreon account to this site. Don’t worry, as soon as new chapters are published, you will have access to more free chapters once you are logged in. No need to pay for anything unless you want to help me!
To create an account on Patreon and an account on micheldonais.com, simply choose the LOG IN WITH PATREON option and authorize the micheldonais.com site to obtain basic information. It takes less than a minute, whether you have an account with Patreon or not!

– “Sup ’Is! Bar-hopping?”

The following day, just as I was about to leave work, I received a brief text message from Lou. She’s still my best friend after all these years.

– “Hell yeah! After work? Karma?”

– “❤️”

Karma Police, a neighbourhood bar with a sophisticated yet seedy vibe, serves as our go-to place to start our drinking nights. I started humming to myself while waiting for my shift to end.

I work as a spruced-up receptionist at a small computer services company, a few blocks away from my home. It’s honest, hard work where I need to be clean, cheerful, and concentrate on whatever task of the day, on top of answering the phone and the odd visitor.

I affectionately refer to my coworkers as my “kiddos,” since they are total introverts and friendly eccentrics, even though they are older than my modest 22 years. And they refer to me as

– “Momsie? You look happy!”

– “Yeah, heading out on some bar-hopping venture with my BFF.”

– “Oh sweet! You don’t see her much anymore. Have fun! Can I ask you to help me write an e-mail to this client, please?”

– “Oh yeah, sure, everything for my favourite son!”

– “Hey!” interjects another kiddo in the open space, “I thought I was your fave, Momsie?”

– “Oh, sure hon, you’re amazing too, I couldn’t choose, and you know it! Now let Momsie work a little. She has to leave soon.”

A few minutes later, I tidied up my workstation, bid my farewells to the remaining colleagues, and embarked on my journey to the bar.

I arrived shortly after, with my earphones still on and a grin on my face, happily humming along to the current top rock song of the moment.

Lou was not alone; she was accompanied by a few of our closest friends. One of them, Marianne, first saw me.

– Marianne: “’Is! Here!”

– Jamie: “W-we started waiting, and ordered you a Long Island half-booze.”

– “Oh yeah! What a great way to make an entrance! The Queen is here! Bring out the half-booze, you peasants!”

Life is great with friends.

Lou, my bestie, has that Japanese-Korean hot mix look, coupled with a petite stature. Her diminutive figure contrasts with the energy she exudes and the strength of her personality. She’s responsible for my move towards being an extrovert and applying theatrics whenever I feel comfortable. Her multiple earrings and piercings, death metal band crop top, and assorted metal band opened waistcoat, on top of puffy sweatpants and the beginning of a tattoo sleeve, reveal that she’s more than meets the eye.

Marianne is the opposite in every way, possibly because of her ancient name. She mostly wears medieval robes, long painstakingly braided blonde hair, and ornate trinkets. She always looks dignified, and you’d believe any sentence she says unquestionably. If somehow you ever can doubt her word, that medieval dress does wonders to keep your mind busy enough not to care if you’re right or wrong.

Jamie is our resident tomboy. Strong, wearing leather or stretched t-shirts, and sporting a platinum bleached crew cut. But also infinitely shy and reserved. Whoever she looks at, you’d believe she has the biggest crush in front of her, with her face becoming beet red with any direct look. One drop of liquid courage, though, and she transforms into a more confident and socially adept individual, albeit still stuttering and not exactly outgoing.

On my side, I’m the nearly 6 feet tall, slightly pudgy, slightly olive-skinned piece of happiness, with a body full of love. The only thing I dislike about myself is my face, which got a little bit too much scarring from teenage pimples. As for the rest, I would neither change my friend’s appearances or mine.

– “So…? What’s up with my awesome crew?”

– Lou: “It’s been sooooo loooong! Sincerely, I can’t believe that the school year is not yet over; it drags on!”

– Jamie: “Word, I cannot b-believe I’m still s-truggling with my m-ajor.”

– Marianne: “I’m still a glorified cosplayer! And you? Didn’t die from your father’s cooking yet?”

– “Heh, they are still trying! I’ve always been the same, you know, playing momsie with my kiddos and reading novels”

– Lou: “Oooh come on, I’ll neeveeer read noooveeels!”

– “You jerk!” I started laughing at that never-old joke while making believe I am ready to throw my Long Island on Lou. “It’s because of you that my life is in shambles. Speaking of shambles, I need to eat something or else…”

Oh, yeah, right, even if I weigh twice my bestie, I can drink less than half as much as her before you have an incoherent deadweight to bring back home. On a dead stomach, and you can probably reduce it to a virgin screwdriver until I crawl on the floor.

❀

– Jamie: “Life’s hard, huh?”

– Marianne: “Euphemism of the century. You might say that trying to survive as a paid spokesperson while the planet burns and the government seems determined to create a live-action Mad Max is not what I would call a good time.”

– Lou: “At least, we don’t have thugs here, and life’s shit, but our city remains relatively safe.”

– Iris: “Oh! My! Lou! Don’t you know that jinxing us like that is a no-no? Now something will happen. It’s such a basic rule, I cannot believe you would condemn us like this!”

– Lou: “And what are you telling us we’re in a novel? Come on, drink up that first glass, you lightweight, and let’s move to the next one!”

– Iris: “Sincerely? Lou, I have one quarter of my drink remaining while you still have that huge second mug of beer to your name, and you called another one that’s not there yet. And you’re telling me you’ll finish before me, and less drunk?”

– Marianne: “…”

– Jamie: “…”

– Lou: “…”

– “Okay, okay, okay, I’ll be quick.”

Everyone laughed at this, and we all slowly prepared to move to the next drinking station.

❀

We slowly took our bags and left for the outdoors. The temperature is great, with a slight cold breeze and a sky full of… no, only the moon. We’re in a major city, so we can’t see the Milky Way. Still, a beautiful evening.

– Iris: “So, where are we going next?”

– Jamie: “Where else? Same next spot? Or you got something in mind?”

– Lou: “I’ll drink to that!”

The street between the two bars was empty, with few pedestrians, no cars, and, of course, at this precise moment, I felt a blade painfully digging into my back, and a menacing presence.

– “Don’t move if you don’t want to die.”

Lou, my good friend Lou. Why did you have to throw that bad omen at us?

Life is challenging when you have aspirations and ideals. Well, not really. My ideals were always to make things easy and stress-free. My goal is to read fantasy romance novels and dream of the prince charming who will never come because they are too unrealistic to even imagine.

I want to preserve my freedom. If I were to find a prince charming on a silver platter, I would simply swoon and say “no, thanks.”

But in my mind’s eye, I would envision a complete love story and capitalize on the fantasy and romance genres.

– “Hey, Mom, I’m home!”

– “Oh! Welcome back, Iris. Take a shower. Food’s nearly ready.”

Well, that. But also, what prince charming would ever consider a modern, chubby, poor, part-time employee who lives with her folks?

– “Hey Dad, what’s cooking? It smells great!”

– “Wait until you taste it before you praise me, I’m doing your old fave, but I might have discovered a new way to poison us all.”

This is usually the place where an artist would pixellate something that ultimately looks totally unappetizing. To be honest, my parents are excellent cooks. They have their strengths and weaknesses, and presentation is certainly not their strongest suit.

In my family, we have a term called “gruff,” which originated from gruesome food, to describe something that appears repulsive while being incredibly delicious and nutritious.

There are a few other terms we’ve coined to describe unique gruffs: the “splate” which looks like a poorly indistinct cream of wheat splattered on a plate; the “whiffer,” which surpasses even the worst Limburger, durian and raw onion fish casserole; the “livalad,” a salad that gradually loses its consistency, making it appear to move and contort, while it actually is a very fresh salad on a hot plate; or the “colourful” which showcases something that should never be such an interesting tint without being lethal.

There are many more like that.

Suffice to say, the few friends I ever had never truly dined at my place. Again, food is amazing, but for someone who hasn’t been exposed to these unique choices since their toddlerhood, it’s challenging to understand that we mean no harm. When someone visits us, it’s typically takeout days, lest they mistake our place for that verse in Rapper’s Delight.

– “Oh, you want to kill us with kindness once more? Thanks for the Korean-Jamaican Maple Syrup Stew in a Pita Roll. You know it’s the best, right? I can’t wait to try it!”

– “Had to make it, you love it so much, and I just made a fresh batch of homemade cottage cheese to go with the roll, just like you like it. But this time, I added some popped mustard seeds.”

I squealed with delight and kissed my dad on the cheek before rushing off to take my shower.

Oh, here’s another reason why Prince Charming wouldn’t be interested in me. This food would make everyone else uncomfortable, and to be honest, I’m not interested in marrying Shrek. In fact, I’m not interested in marrying anyone.

My family is the best.

We’re loving, caring, and friendly. We’re a bit eccentric, but at the end of the day, we support each other. We may not be wealthy, we live simply in a small apartment and use old-fashioned cell phones. I’ve learned to see the world through rose-tinted glasses and I radiate happiness from my family, which I’m truly grateful for.

My family’s genes are also quite good. My mom is a strong woodworker and metallurgist, and my dad is a tall postman. We have a strong stomach and rarely get sick. Thankfully, we don’t see many other people, so it helps to keep a distance.

I’d love to say I am a strong woman, as when I was younger, I was quite active and strong.

However, I once bent my ankle. This is when my life changed.

❀

– “Thanks, Lou, for coming, but you know, I’ll be up soon, no harm done! Well, nearly no harm done,” I giggled.

– “Oh, don’t worry, ’Is, you’re my bestie. I’d be here for you, no matter what.”

– “True… true… I’m bored! Doc said I shouldn’t exercise for now, so, couch it is for me!”

– “That sucks! I wanted to go grab an ice cone at Wish…”

– “Not this time, I guess… Argh! It’s so annoying! Guess I can brush off my school stuff.”

– “Oh, please, it’s a long weekend, and we’ve already done everything. We did it all yesterday evening so we could enjoy it. No bike either? Roller’s not an option for sure, and our weekly footie is…”

– “Seriously? Are you my friend? Come here so I can kill you,” I laughed.

We both pretended to fight each other while laughing for a while. However, boredom returned with a fierce intensity.

– “Hey, ’Is, have you ever read light novels?”

– “Oh, please, that’s so dumb! Losing time while reading things to get your blood pumping. Oh, my prince charming! Oh, can you come and get me!”

– “No, no, no, seriously, there are many styles. Try a few, and see what you like.”

– “You?”, I was truly flabbergasted. “You read that?!”

– “Once in a while, yeah, my mind stops working overtime while I read the stories, and there are so many styles. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! If they’re successful, artists may even take up the challenge.”

– “Oh come on, I’ll never try that.”

Of course, I picked up on the hints. You know how sometimes it feels like you’re doing something you shouldn’t, like buying something that’s way out of your budget or indulging in something you know will cost you? Well, that’s exactly what happened when I started reading these books.

At first, I felt a pang of guilt and a sense of knowing that I shouldn’t be doing it. But then, curiosity turned to interest, then to passion, and finally to obsession.

As a result, I stopped exercising.

Even though I’m quite tall, I gained some curves from eating healthily while getting lost in the latest novels. I’ve also stopped following my dad on his morning runs and stopped having any interest in lifting heavy benches or moving outdoor tables at my mom’s work. However, I still help Mom design her patterns.

In school, I used to be the most active before that small accident. I loved running, climbing, and playing casual rugby with my friends, much to the amusement and concern of my parents. Since then, I’ve shifted my focus from sports to a more general literary concentration, and eventually became the secretary I am today.

Despite my friends and family’s persistent suggestions for a healthier lifestyle, I prefer to indulge in my dream world. Fortunately, everyone supports my choices, no one goes out of their way to convince me.

And now, let’s put the reminiscing behind us. Let’s go eat!

Iris swiftly moved to block her opponent’s blade. Swiftly is a relative expression, as the intention to shove that blade into her chest could have been conveyed through Morse code, accompanied by a reply message, transcripts on a sheet of paper, and a description of the impact being sent to a superior for further instructions. Such is the speed with which Iris processes her surroundings. While the action was slow, Iris thought about how she would react. Should she block it, deflect it, amplify its force to throw her opponent off balance, sever his hand, break his arm, or remain still and allow it to crash into her so hard that it would shatter? Such rapid thought processes are comparable to those of a martial arts grand master, patiently awaiting the punch of an average phone operator with four decades of experience.

In this scenario, the key difference lies in Iris’s perception. She was mistaken for an ordinary, overweight woman in her twenties, while her opponent was a notorious local troublemaker. Furthermore, Iris is holding her phone on her shoulder while waiting for the emergency services to answer. Finally, the thug will experience the full impact of Iris’s blocking motion, which is like encountering an immovable object, such as a steel rod, with his forearm.

– “Argh! What the? How…”

Iris, growing increasingly bored, decided to retaliate and kicked her foe on the chin. Although it wasn’t strong enough to break any bones, it was strong enough to provoke a slight concussion and effectively silence the poor thug, preventing any new action.

– “Yes, officer? I’d like to report an attempted mugging. It happened to me and three of my friends. No, don’t worry, he’s out cold.”

This kind of action is unlikely to be what Iris would have imagined possible just an hour ago. In fact, she would have been so traumatized that she would probably remain confined in her home for a year, avoiding even going to the grocery store.

– “All I ever wanted was a fairytale with a prince charming,” Iris sighed.

– “Sorry, what did you say?” the phone replied.

– “Oh, no, nothing to worry about. So, is the police on its way?”